


Litost

by Ariejul



Series: Alone in the Fallout [1]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Deacon shares!, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone in the Wasteland needs therapy, F/M, Family Issues, Gen, Relationship(s), Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-07 21:06:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11067153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ariejul/pseuds/Ariejul
Summary: Litost: a state of agony and torment created by the sudden sight of one’s own misery.Shaun asks a question, and Deacon stumbles. Julia tries to pick up the pieces best that she can.Post-game.





	Litost

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by an ambient line Shaun says about Deacon. It sorta just snow-balled from there. Deacon _might_ be a little out of character here, but I don't think it's too bad. It's hard to write an honest conversation with a liar. I think Deacon would more likely be honest with the Sole Survivor than someone else. That's just me. I also subscribe the the belief that he's (mostly) telling the truth about his past and relationship with Barbara.
> 
> Currently a one-shot, but I might add more later. Maybe.
> 
> This takes place some indeterminate time post-game. 
> 
> Again, no beta. Please point out any mistakes. 
> 
> Also, these lovelies are not in any way mine. I just play with them a little.
> 
> And why yes, I love making titles with obscure words that have awesome meanings.

“Deacon’s cool… and tough. I bet my dad was like that,” Shaun smiles at her, with such hopeful eyes.

Julia smiles back, sadness griping her heart. That her son would echo her own thoughts so vividly… It isn’t lost on her just how similar her partner is to her husband. She's almost caught herself calling him Nate before.

“Why else would I keep him around?” she laughs, ruffling his auburn hair.

Deacon doesn’t look up from the weapon bench. “My stunningly awesome personality, of course.”

Shaun giggles.

“Right. Your… _stunning_ personality,” she deadpans.

Deacon pouts then, looking up from his weapon. “Breaking my heart, Charmer, and in front of the kid, too.”

Shaun steps over to him, rocking back and forth on his heels. “It’s okay, Deacon. I think you’re awesome!”

Deacon’s grin is broad and just the right amount of over the top. He looks more like a boy than a full-grown man. “I knew I liked you,” he says, winking at Shaun.

Julia rolls her eyes, plopping down on the concrete and watching the pair. Shaun took to Deacon like a fish to water, not that she’s really surprised. Deacon’s stories _are_ entertaining, and he’s full of energy. He seems to enjoy the boy’s attention, anyway. Deacon's never explicitly said it, but Julia’s certain that Shaun fills a familial void in his life. He certainly did for her. In a way, it’s almost like having a family again, and that is more comforting than she wants to admit.

“Hey, Deacon, do you have any kids?”

Julia feels her heart stop, gaze snapping over to her partner. Deacon, for his part, hides the surprise rather well. She barely notices it.

“Nah, kid. Never got around to it.” Deacon ruffles Shaun’s hair, turning back to his gun.

“Do you want to?”

Deacon tenses. “Missing an important part of that equation, kiddo. Takes two to, uh, tango, or something.”

“What’s it got to do with dancing?” Shaun murmurs, brows furrowing in thought.

Julia can see the conversation going downhill, and frankly, she doesn’t want to have to explain the birds and the bees _quite_ yet. She walks over, placing a hand on Shaun’s shoulder. “I just remembered Preston was looking for you earlier. Why don’t you go see if he needs some help, Shaun?”

“Oh. Okay, Mom. Bye, Deacon!” The boy nods and runs off.

She turns her attention to Deacon. His hands are trembling faintly. “Are you alright?”

His hands still as he absently stares into nothing. “Yeah,” he answers finally. “Just peachy.”

“I’m sorry. I can talk to him if you want.”

He looks at her finally, eyes hidden behind cheap plastic. “I’m touched, Charmer. Worrying about little old me.”

She sighs. “Someone’s got to. You certainly don’t.”

He keeps tinkering with his gun, and Julia thinks the conversation is over. “I did, y’know.”

She frowns, turning back toward him. “Hm?”

“Want kids.” He doesn’t look at her, his attention rapt on his weapon. “We tried, but… well. Didn’t happen.”

“Deacon.” She reaches out to clasp his shoulder but stops short. “I’m sorry.”

He grins up at her, but there isn’t any mirth in it. “Hey, them’s the brakes. Just wasn’t in the cards for me.”

“You still could,” Julia says without thinking. “You certainly aren’t too old.”

She realizes her mistake too late, but all Deacon does is grimace. “Like I told the kiddo, missing an important part of that. Can’t have a kid solo.”

She almost finds herself offering, barely stopping the thought before it finds a voice. “There’s Shaun,” she says instead.

“I’m not his dad.”

She wants to say that his father is _dead_ but doesn’t. “I know that, but… you could fill in.”

He snorts, finally looking up at her. “Wouldn’t you rather have someone like Preston do that? I’m not really Dad material.”

She huffs in annoyance. “Preston doesn't care about that. _You_  do _._ Besides, Shaun already adores you, Deacon.”

“It’s a bad idea, Charmer,” he murmurs. “There’s nothing I can teach him. Nothing good, anyway.”

Her chest aches hearing him. Placing her hand over the gun that has his attention, she finds his gaze. “That is such a lie. Deacon. I trust you. I trust you out in the field and here with Shaun. So just… maybe think about it?”

Surprise she barely catches flickers across his features. “Yeah. Fine,” he replies gruffly.

She notices his hands are still trembling and makes a mental note to remind Shaun not to be too nosy. She wishes more than anything that she could help him. He gave her so much, and it's a favor she wants to return. She just doesn't know how. Maybe someday she can figure it out.

It's something, and she'll take it. 


End file.
